The Puzzle Pieces of my Mind

uncommon_nonsense @ 2017-11-19T17:14:00

2017-11-19T16:17:31Z

My entire dash is obsessed by that Call Me By Your Name movie and for the life of me I can't understand how I seem to be the only one made supremely uncomfortable by it. That kid looks like... well, like a kid. Just watching the preview made me cringe. The other lead looks ten years older than him and I don't care how beautiful that story is, all I can think of is "get away from him and find someone your age."

I've just been advised to just give the movie a go and yeah, haha, not gonna happen. I'm pretty sure I'd have gobbled it up when I was 20, so maybe it's just that I'm too old, but omg, DO NOT WANT, and I really wish my entire dash wasn't gushing about it every single day.

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uncommon_nonsense @ 2017-11-15T21:50:00

2017-11-15T21:08:27Z

Funnily enough, I went from feeling sorry for myself this morning, to actually working on a ficlet I thought I would never ever manage to post at lunchbreak. And if Google docs hadn't decided to completely stop working tonight, I might just have finished it, too.

But since Google did fuck up, you'll just get the beginning of it. ^_^

The heat is oppressive, weighing Louis’s body down like hot water, getting into his lungs with each breath. He can feel sweat beading up on his skin, sliding down his calves from the crook of his bent knees, tickling the back of his neck. The ratty red shorts he’s found at the bottom of a wardrobe, dusty and smelling of summers long past (like most things around this house, which Niall rented for four days right in the middle of everyone’s promo, for the fabled lads’ holiday that nobody really thought would ever happen until Niall turned up on their doorstep, plane tickets in hand) are already getting clammy, and while the sheets under his naked back are still crisp and clean, he knows it won't last long. Still, holing up inside in this stuffy bedroom, both he and Niall crammed together on a tiny single bed, felt like a better idea than braving the summer sun.

“Can't believe Harry’s gone to fucking golf,” Niall says, as if reading his mind. He’s lying on his side with his back to the wall, propped up on one bent arm, the top of his messy hair brushing against the slanted ceiling. One hairy knee is pressed against Louis’s leg, the tip of Niall’s toes tickling his foot. It’s way too hot for such close contact, but Louis is not about to point it out. “That idiot’ll get heatstroke for sure.”

The fact that Niall forewent golf to stay inside and get bored with Louis is the best proof of the insane heatwave the French countryside is going through, Louis thinks. Today’s temperature: 35 degrees celsius. Felt temperature: so fucking boiling that even Niall Horan would not play golf.

“Tell me about it,” Louis says, flipping to the next page of his comic book, something about the wacky adventures of four teenagers and their dog. It’s in French, and he basically only understands a word out of five, but he likes the artstyle and has already gone through half the series in the day and a half they’ve been here.

He gets through a couple pages more before Niall pokes him in the side, hard. When Louis lowers his book to mock-glare at him, Niall grins, not chastised in the least. “Where’s Payno?” he asks, the finger he’s jammed into Louis’s ribs now tracing idle patterns on Louis’s sweaty skin.

Louis tries not to think about Niall’s finger too much. “You have one guess,” he replies, flipping to the next page and squinting at the first speech bubble. Does “amande“ mean almond or fine, he can't remember, although admittedly one would make less sense than the other in context.

Niall snorts. “Didn’t he Facetime them this morning already?”

“Now, give the lad a break. Bear might have learned to walk in those two hours.”

It’s still so strange to Louis, seeing Liam be a dad. Not only because Liam feels young, way too young to already have a little piece of him growing into the world (Louis still feels way too young to have a Freddie of his own, most days), but also because when Liam calls Cheryl up, it’s not just for her to turn the phone towards Bear. They spend hours talking and laughing together, catching up on each other’s day, and that’s something Louis will never have, at least not with Briana. He likes her, hell at one point he really, really liked her, but every time they talk nowadays it feels like they’re trying too hard and not fooling anyone.

“Must be nice,” Niall says absentmindedly, moving his finger up to Louis’s chest. The motion of his hand is erratic, abrupt stops and long swipes, and it takes Louis a few seconds to realize that Niall’s playing connect-the-dot with the sweat beading on his skin.

It gets even harder to breathe.

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This post is sponsored by PMS.

2017-11-15T07:16:11Z

It's getting clearer and clearer that I've become irrelevant to the fandom, and I'm trying not to let it get to me but honestly it's hard when none of your original posts get any notes anymore.

Not that I was ever wildly popular to begin with. There is nothing harder for the ego than realizing that most of your writer friends came on the scene months after you did and yet have bigger followings, and for good reason because they're all incredibly more talented than you are.

It feels like all people really want are long fics, and angst, and I'm incapable of both. All i know how to write is the same mediocre sweet shit over and over again. I really hoped my drabble project would let me feel useful again but nobody seems to care about super short fic.

Then I look on here and everyone is talking about the dunkirk boys and the bands, and i don't read/write that, so i can't contribute either. You've all moved on to greener pastures and I'm the sucker munching on a withered clover.

I just want to keep writing ot5 fics. The only reason i write fics with Bebe and the others is because it's the one thing ot5 can't supply me with. If there was a girl in 1d I'd probably focus on her.

I don't know. I just feel invisible most days. Fandom was supposed to be my escape from work and other real life stress, but it's been a while that it hasn't provided that all. :/

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1d drabble 10 - Narry

2017-11-13T21:30:06Z

Can you believe it? Who'd give that double chin a modeling contract, hahaha.

Niall hesitates, then pastes the link to the article and hits Send. It's not like Harry's going to react anyway, it's not-

Pretty impressive, Harry sends back straight away. Runways or photoshoots?

"Fucking hell, that worked?!" Niall mumbles, but he can feel himself grinning, because he never learns.

Don't have time for runways.

Pity. Wanted to see you strut your stuff.

Ycan see me strut anytime you like. Just have to come over.

Maybe i will.

Niall shakes his head, incredulous. Harry always did like his models.

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1d drabble 09 - Zouis fucking in the mystery machine

2017-11-12T21:09:31Z

Zayn huffs when his Xbox controller and opened beer bottle both clatter to the floor, but his hands still settle on Louis's hips by reflex.

"You did that on purpose," he says, staring accusingly at Louis. Louis wriggles on his lap with a smirk, fingers pulling at the button of Zayn's jeans in a silent question.

"Proper send-off, yeah," Zayn answers, voice strangled. He never used to get nervous around Louis. "Always told you we should've gotten a mattress."

"Chairs are better," Louis says, authoritatively, before kissing him.

For a little while, it's easy to pretend they're back in 2013.

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1d drabble 08 - Nouis watching Stranger Things

2017-11-10T12:26:13Z

(this one sucks because I failed to make it clear they are NOT together, which is why Niall's so tense, but I'll make up for it with a full-fledged fic... possibly)

“Christ, I can’t watch this!” Niall says, albeit with slightly less feeling than before. It’s hard to get really scared by anything when you’ve got a Louis Tomlinson draped over your back, his jeans-clad dick a hot press against your arse.

“It’s the best part,” Louis mumbles against Niall’s neck, where he’s been busying himself sucking a love bite. His lips trail up to Niall’s ear, teeth closing around his earlobe and tugging. “Watch.”

Niall bites back a moan, eyes fixed on the screen as Nancy crawls into the Upside Down world.

It’s the strangest thing, being hard and scared.

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1d drabble 07 - Elounor

2017-11-10T12:25:00Z

He’d already lost so much time, so he went for broke. Got a ring, got down on one knee, proposed.

El saw right through his bravado, always has. She turned him down.

Then she led him there, sat him down on that chair.

The tattoo barely takes any time at all, just a flash of once familiar pain, leaving behind a single letter that makes his breath catch in his throat.

El goes next, gets an L on her ring finger, tiny but proud.

“There,” she says, linking their hands together.

Louis squeezes her hand back, and doesn’t let go.

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1d drabble 06 - Louelle

2017-11-10T12:24:07Z

“Love, please, tell me what happened.”

Danielle clutches her phone to her ear, breathing deep. Louis’s voice is comforting. “There w-was a sign that said, ‘don’t open the door’, so I… I looked through the window. But it swung open, and the… the alarms went off, and guards came! And-”

“You opened a door because it said you shouldn’t?” Louis interrupts, and he sounds so amused that Danielle stops crying.

“I didn’t mean to, but… yeah. … Louis, why are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he says, voice fond. “I just… I love you a lot.”

Danielle beams. “Me too.”

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1d drabble 05 - Hamille

2017-11-10T12:23:10Z

“Soo-ah bow-”

The leather collar tightens around his neck and Harry cuts himself off.

“Wrong,” Camille says with barely a glance, twirling the leash around her wrist like she’s forgotten it’s attached to Harry’s neck. She’s got one leg hooked up over the couch’s arm, her rumpled skirt not quite hiding the fact she’s got no underwear.

“Can… can you say it again?” he tries, hopeful. His knees ache.

Camille sighs, then turns, bending forward until they’re face to face.

“Sois belle,” she says, trailing her finger down Harry’s cheek until it rests against his parted lips, “et tais toi.”

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1d drabble 04 - Horchata

2017-11-10T12:21:45Z

Everything’s too hot, too heavy, and Nick can’t think. He’s so close, so close…

“Slow… slow down, popstar,” Nick gasps, grabbing the wrist that’s pulling at his dick, getting him ever closer to his orgasm.

“I’m not Harry.”

It takes a second for Nick’s brain to process it. “Of course,” he stammers, still so close to coming that it makes his thoughts fizzle. “I know that.”

He presses a hand to Niall’s chest, feels the hair there. Harry never had much of anything.

“Good,” Niall says, resuming his wanking. “I’d rather you not forget.”

Nick wishes forgetting was an option.

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1d drabble 03 - Nouis, Noubadour

2017-11-10T12:20:18Z

“That. Was. Sick!”

The second Niall steps backstage, Louis’s hugging him, even though Niall’s stinky with sweat. He’s just played the Troubadour, and Louis looks so proud, and Niall worries his heart might burst out of his chest, alien-style.

The evening is a blur, congratulations and happy tears and too many people, until there’s only Louis, finally.

“You were amazing,” Louis says, pressing his lips to Niall’s pulse point, one hand fisted around Niall’s shirt.

“Really amazing,” he says, climbing into Niall’s lap, eyes dark.

“Absolutely… amazing…” he whispers, right against Niall’s lips.

“Shut up,” Niall says, and kisses him.

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1d drabble 02 - Bebe Rexha / Danielle Campbell

2017-11-10T12:18:29Z

The first time she kisses Bebe, all Danielle can think of is Louis, and how he’ll never have this, will never know Bebe like this. Won’t ever know that she tastes like tangerines, and shivers when you touch her neck.

He took a lot from Danielle, never gave it back. But she’s here, now, claiming this for herself.

“You alright, babe?” Bebe asks, trailing her fingers down Danielle’s arm. She’s soft and she’s bold and Danielle’s body is burning up like it never has before.

“I’m fine.”

The second time Bebe kisses her, Danielle doesn’t think about anything at all.

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1d drabble 01 - Narry post-Troubadour

2017-11-10T12:17:23Z

WTF how could you not tell me you were gonna sing with stevie fucking nicks?!?!?

Harry takes two days to reply. Oh right, forgot you liked her!

I’m the one made you discover that band, Niall wants to write. You kissed me the first time with Never Going Back Again playing.

Twas playing the last time, too, coz you’re a fucking whore for dramatics.

He doesn’t type any of that.

Really wish I’d been there, happy for you bud! he sends instead.

He’d always figured Harry wouldn’t even realize Flicker was about him. The confirmation has no right to hurt.

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uncommon_nonsense @ 2017-11-10T13:11:00

2017-11-10T12:14:50Z

Honestly I find this whole dreamwidth thing impossibly intimidating and it feels like getting to a party late and awkwardly standing in a corner while everyone's already tipsy and excitedly talking about stuff you can't pretend to know about, BUT I'm going to at least post my latest writing stuff here just in case it interests anyone, which I doubt honestly because you're all writing exciting stuff and I'm just writing the same-old same-old, but WHATEVER, Imma do it, I will. Sorry for the spam.

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Oh look, my first post.

2017-11-10T08:42:29Z

THIS IS NOT A SIGN THAT I'M GOING TO HANG OUT HERE, even though Tumblr has become awful lonely and sad and checking my dash is bumming me out a bit more everyday.

But anyway here's something I need to get off my chest and since I am not suicidal I am NOT about to post this on tumblr, hahahaha omg I'd get crucified.

It's just that I've watched Louis's entire Miss You performance and while I love the song and I'm eager to listen to the studio version... I mean, I'm sorry, but were Louis any other guy, and I happened on one of these live videos, I'd be wondering who the fuck let that guy on stage. He is so weak live, I think his nerves get the better of him every time but his voice just comes out strangled and slightly off key and just... I'm glad the fans are supporting him because god knows he needs to be uplifted instead of taken down, he's got an amazing voice and I do not want him to stop singing, but sometimes I wonder if I'm hearing the same thing they are? Just... he doesn't sound like a professional singer on stage, and I'm just really hoping he's actively working on overcoming that and strengthening his voice because I don't think he's improved much since his first live performances (not counting the XFactor performance because it's a miracle he even managed to sing at all, what a brave brave boy).

But Tumblr kinda makes me feel like I'm the only one and must therefore be a horrible human being with no heart.

I have a heart. But I also have ears.

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1st entry test.

2010-03-29T18:33:07Z

Bla-bla-bla, random nonsensical first entry just so I can see how the layout will come into place.
Have some Patrick O'Brian.

'You are so very kind to me, sir - always have been - that it seems a blackguardly thing. You might not have done it, if... but I did not exactly lie, however.'
'Eh?' cried Jack, astonished. In time it appeared that Babbington had eaten of the Doctor's rats; and that he was sorry now. 'Why, no, Babbington,' said Jack. 'No. That was an infernal shabby thing to do; mean and very like a scrub. The Doctor has been a good friend to you - none better. Who patched up your arm, when they all swore it must come off? Who put you into his cot and sat by you all night, holding the wound? Who -' Babbington could not bear it; he burst into tears. Though an acting-lieutenant he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and through his sobs he gave Jack to understand that unknown hands had wafted these prime millers into the larboard midshipmen's berth; that although he had had no hand in their cutting-out - indeed, would have prevented it, having the greatest love for the Doctor, so much so that he had fought Braithwaite over a chest for calling the Doctor 'a Dutch-built quizz' - yet, the rats being already dead, and dressed with onion-sauce, and he so hungry after rattling down the shrouds, he had thought it a pity to let the others scoff the lot. Had lived with a troubled conscience ever since: had in fact expected a summons to the cabin.
'You would have been living with a troubled stomach if you had known what was in them; the Doctor had-'
'I tell you what it is, Jack,' said Stephen, walking quickly in. 'Oh, I beg your pardon.'
'No, stay, Doctor. Stay, if you please,' cried Jack.
Babbington looked wretchedly from one to the other, licked his lips and said, 'I ate your rat, sir. I am very sorry, and I ask your pardon.'
'Did you so?' said Stephen mildly. 'Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Listen, Jack, will you look at my list, now?'
'He only ate it when it was dead,' said Jack.
'It would have been a strangely hasty, agitated meal, had he ate it before,' said Stephen.

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